I dated over 25 Chinese women before I married one.
Chinese women are among the most beautiful women in the world. Physically, they are mostly slim and petite in build, although there are bigger women who come from the North of China. The younger generation who live in the big cities are comparable in height to American and European women. To Westerners they have a very exotic look with their Straight black hair, small noses, beautiful skin and almond shaped eyes.
This blog post is mostly about dating “traditional” Chinese women. Bear in mind that in any culture women are all different, but there are still many similarities.
A “traditional” Chinese woman is one who hasn’t been westernized (at least not yet). Most of these women either live in China, Taiwan, or Hong Kong,, but there are many in certain cities in the US and in other countries.
In the US, if a Chinese woman speaks very little English, chances are she is a traditional Chinese woman. Here in the US “ABC” (American Born Chinese) women who have lived here all their lives, are mostly indistinguishable from Western women, except for their appearance.
Advantages of Chinese Women
(IMHO the advantages greatly outweigh the disadvantages).
Most Chinese women stay slim for their entire lives.
Most of them especially the very attractive ones, pay a lot of attention to their appearance.
They will rarely let themselves go as they get older. Most like to dress up. In China, it is pretty normal for Chinese women who can afford it to have some kind of plastic surgery to enhance their looks.
Chinese women usually look much younger than their actual age
It is not unusual for a Chinese woman to look 10, 15 or even more years younger than her real age.
Dating or marrying a really young looking Chinese woman allows an older man to have a Chinese girl friend or wife who looks very young but is still “age appropriate”. This is perfect for the man who also looks really young for his age..
Chinese women are very feminine
If you are an American like me, you may have forgotten what feminine women are like.
Many Chinese women prefer to wear dresses, and in general look and act much more feminine than Western women. Many are shy, especially in public.
Although most are anything but submissive, they often times affect a submissive look, at least until they get married.
Traditional Chinese women want to do everything to take care of their man.
They actually want to cook for you, iron your shirts, sew on your buttons, shine your shoes, make sure that you get a good hair cut, etc.
Believe it or not, if you are significantly older than them, even if you are in great shape, a traditional Chinese woman may offer to carry your bag for you, insist on you taking the open seat on the subway, and also insist on shoveling your car out (this totally blew my mind).
They will almost never criticize their man in public (in private is completely different).
Chinese women are very romantic and loyal
Their movies and TV shows are all romances. Their books and novels are all romances. Love is very important to them. Once they commit to you they will be loyal for life. They will take care of you if you are sick, and will stick with you through thick and thin (Unless you betray them!)
Despite being romantic, Chinese women are very practical.
Most like to save money, and like to find good deals. They also like to bargain prices down.
While they will be well aware of your faults (and we all have them), and will try to change you, in the end, they will accept them.
If you are loyal yourself and kind, almost no traditional Chinese woman will divorce you.
One that I dated explained that a Chinese woman will figure that, because she has gotten older, despite her husband’s faults, sometimes even including philandering, they figure that if they get divorced they either will be unable to find another husband, or their next husband is likely to be even worse.
Chinese women are very family oriented
Chinese women are all about their families. There is pretty much nothing that they won’t do for family members. This includes favors, loans, and gifts. They always help one another out financially.
In the US when children become teenagers they typically want next to nothing to do with their parents. This is completely different in Chinese families, where family members remain close throughout their whole lives.
Chinese women are also very “friend oriented”
Chinese women are very close to their friends, and people in general. They consider their female friends and even co-workers that they have worked with for years as their “sisters”.
One day I was having a lunch date with a Chinese woman (in her 40”s) when she got a text from a young girl in China. She read it to me. The girl referred to her as “auntie” and said that she would always remember her kindness from when she had met her in New York exactly 1 year before.
My date explained to me that exactly one year ago she was at the airport and she saw a 20 year old Chinese girl who had a 1 day lay over, didn’t speak a word of English and didn’t know anyone in New York. My date explained that she took her out for dinner, took her home with her, then the next day took her to breakfast and then drove her to the airport.
Most traditional Chinese women are extremely hard working
Chinese people in general are much more hard working than Westerners. Many work long hours six days a week and consider that to be normal. In China many women are very ambitious. Quite a few reach the higher echelons of business. Many others start and grow their own successful businesses.
My first Chinese girl friend was very rich. She had her own business, and would to spend a thousand dollars every year to take her two daughters. She would also sometimes take them to cities like Paris for the weekend.
Chinese women not only look exotic but come from an exotic culture.
China is an ancient country with a rich and fascinating history and culture going back thousands of years.
Many western men like me find the Chinese culture fascinating. Once you have dated one traditional Chinese woman you might find yourself losing almost all interest in Western women.
When I first started exclusively dating Chinese women it was because I fell in love with their culture. Originally, I considered them to be no better looking or worse looking than other women, but now I find them to be generally much more physically attractive too.
Chinese women are great cooks
They love to cook for their man. When they make a dish, they try to make it not only taste great but look beautiful too.
Chinese women keep a great home.
They delight in making your home beautiful, and keep it impeccable. They will put up pictures, plants, fish tanks.
If you marry them they will most likely put up a blown up wedding picture in the living room, above the couch. I wasn’t expecting this and was a little shocked, but it shows how important her husband is to a Chinese wife.
Disadvantages of Chinese Women
Many are very materialistic, some even more than Western women.
Chinese culture seems to be almost schizophrenic in that people are highly valued, but so is money. Assuming you have money, or if you are young and have good career “prospects”, the key to happiness is to find a woman who wants you, not your money.
Once you marry one they become very bossy
I was expecting this because when I decided to exclusively date Chinese or at least Asian women, I found a great e-book by Sam Reaves. Sam was something of a “player” who lived in China for 8 years, dated tons of women there, and got engaged once or twice.
I actually don’t mind because my wife s usually right about what she wants me to do or not do. Also if it is really important I put my foot down and she accepts it (maybe because I rarely have to put my foot down).
They can get fiercely jealous if you give them a reason to be.
I think that they are even more jealous than Hispanic women. I deal with that by never giving her a reason to be jealous.
There can be language difficulties.
My wife has decent “basic” English but once I have to have a conversation involving any kind of abstract concepts, I have to resort to the language translation program, and the program is poor for Mandarin. It does get frustrating sometimes.
Again, you just have to kind of put up with it, and pick your battles carefully.
Things Chinese women like about western men.
First of all, not all Chinese women like or date westerners.
The good news is, that the ones who are in the United States often do, and oftentimes, just as they are exotic to you, you are also exotic to them.
They consider western men to be open minded and fun loving.
But you’ve got to be “that guy”.
We are usually accepting of being with divorced women or women with children.
Most Chinese men will not accept a woman who has children. Many will not want a divorced woman. In China a woman who is over 27 and still unmarried is referred to as “off the shelf” and are already considered undesirable.
Marrying a successful western man is considered prestigious.
This may also apply to western men who are only somewhat successful.
If you are a lawyer or doctor or college professor there are some who will be impressed even if you don’t make all that much money.
Chinese dating culture
The basic principles of dating and relationship success apply to all cultures.
Women all over the world prefer a man who is strong, confident, charismatic, a leader, and fun loving. They also prefer a man who knows what he is doing with women.
But there are definitely some cultural differences about Chinese women.
Chinese women show interest in different ways
You should know that in their culture many Chinese men are willing to spend a lot of time with them even if they are not romantic partners or even candidates. This makes it harder to tell if a Chinese woman is putting you into the “friend zone” or not.
On the other hand, in their culture, at least in China, it is normal that if you meet someone and start dating, you don’t discuss the progression of relationship, it is just presumed.
Its kind of a cliche that they often show interest by pretending to be overly concerned/ protective about your health. For example, after I mentioned to my first Chinese girl that I usually don’t eat breakfast, she started texting me every day to ask if I ate anything.
Or they will text you to remind you to wear a scarf if it’s a cold day. If they call or text every day you are on your way to being “in”.
It can take six months or even more to get your first kiss.
Hugging and holding hands usually ok, and once I got good at dating, I was usually successful in doing so even on the first date, if the chemistry was right. I actually got to the point where I didn’t even have to think about it, I just did it (like a “boss”)
Marriage and family are super important to most of them.
Its probably not a good idea to date one unless you are on board with getting married some day.
Very few are interested in casual dating or one night stands, except for possibly younger women from big cities like Beijing and Shanghai.
They have very different ideas of privacy.
They think its no big deal to look in one another’s phones, so get rid of pictures of your exes or at least hide them somewhere that she can’t find them.
Simple tips to maximize your chances
Be interested in their culture and know at least a little bit about it Know the major holidays, i.e Chinese new years, mid autumn festival, etc.
Don’t present as having “yellow fever”. They want you to like them for their unique selves. It is much better to present yourself as being interested in different kinds and nationalities of women
Be a man, maybe even carry her purse, pay for the meals, or at least offer to, and don’t be cheap. You are expected to plan your dates. Its always a good idea to plan an alternate date or an “after date” in case the first place is closed or too crowded etc.
Don’t invite her for dinner or a movie on a first date unless she really comes on strong during the text messages or if you met her in real life and it is very clear that “its on”.
Encourage her to talk, because she may be shy or reserved, but she will have much more fun talking about herself than just listening to you. I learned that asking her about her relationship with her father can really open her up and make the date much more memorable, and if you know what to look for, can really tell you a lot about the girl and if she is worth pursuing.
Have a translation program on your phone in case you need it.
Last of all, have fun with your dates and think of each date as an adventure and not a chore.