My name is Paul Matthews . I am an attorney who became an online dating coach.
I married young, and after my first wife passed away after many happy years, I decided that I wanted to get remarried.
I decided to try online dating because I was still a very busy trial lawyer at the time, and there was no one at work who I was interested in.
Although I was getting dates, I didn’t really like any of the women who liked me, while the ones that I did like didn’t like me. This was starting to look like it could take a very long time.
I remembered having seen a couple of you tube videos years ago which were about some dating coaches who rented a room at Boarders ( which I believe was a book store chain like Barnes & Nobles) for a weekend, and had, if I recall, close to a hundred students. The first day there were a series of lectures, and the second day the students went out in the field, first during the day, then to nightclubs in the evening.
The video was very entertaining, and out of curiosity I looked into what they were doing and found that they were charging over a thousand dollars a head, and had these seminars in practically all the English speaking countries in the world.
As I recall, I reckoned that after expenses the two or three coaches were together earning around $150,000 for each weekend. And this was long ago.
I decided to see what materials were out there that could teach you how to improve your dating skills and results. I figured I was way out of practice having been married so long.
For next two years I read every book on dating that I could find, watched hundreds of videos, paid for some ebooks , took an online course, and even went to two all day seminars given by Real Social Dynamics (“RSD”).
I was fascinated by the amount of material, as well as the breadth and depth of materials that were out there.
A lot of the dating coaches were really, really, smart and educated guys (along with a few gals) and most were charismatic and great speakers too.
While I was learning, I practiced too. Although I had read that going out on a lot of first dates was boring, for me it was a lot of fun, because I got to practice what I learned, try new approaches, and learn more about the kind of girls liked, and but also a lot about myself.
Although I got most of my dates from online dating services, I also approached and met women in the real world too, with varying results.
After about a year, I was definitely starting to get better at it, and was dating an attractive woman from Eastern Europe that I met on Match.com, but still had a ways to go to actually be good.
One of my dates was a big turning point for me. On a nice Spring or Summer day I drove out to Long Island to meet a Chinese girl at a Starbucks. I remember that I had a window seat with some iced tea and saw her her roll up in a brand new Mercedes SUV, and walk towards the store. I remember my first thought was, “well she is kind of attractive, and I need the practice”.
Our coffee date lasted around 2 hours. Strangely she didn’t order anything or even drink anything the whole time. She also didn’t speak much English, but she had a translation program on her phone and she had a ton of pictures and videos on there too. The pictures and videos showed her beautiful home and her two daughters. I had a real blast.
We went out several times after that. She was self employed in Real Estate and actually quite welathy. She was able to bring in the rich Chinese buyers.
She also played the Chinese stock market every night.
She was totally different than anyone I had ever dated in my life, in part because of the culture. I had several friends who had married Asian women and they all were very happy and had previously recommended that I find myself an Asian wife.
I quickly found myself crazy about this woman, but because my knowledge and skills had not progressed enough, I came on too strong, too soon, and blew it.
After that I pretty much only dated Chinese women, with the occasional Korean, Vietnamese or other Asian woman. I must have had at least 25 first dates with Asian women, along with maybe half a dozen girls that I dated more than once.
I have to credit an ebook by Sam Reaves, titled “Chinese dating secrets exposed” for a lot of my successes with these ladies.
Sam was an youngish American dude who was a “player”, and who lived in China for 8 years, dated a lot of Chinese women, and even got engaged once or twice. His book explained a lot about the culture of the “traditional”, and the not so traditional, Chinese women pertaining to dating, sex, and marriage.
One of the Chinese girls that I met after reading the ebook was Winnie, a very cute Chinese woman who owned a facial studio in Flushing. We hit it off right from the start and dated for around six months. We were seeing each other every week, were talking about marriage, and were even looking at furniture to buy.
For various reasons, that relationship didn’t work out and we split up. I was annoyed because I had wasted 6 months. The dating coaches and “experts” all advised that a man who was looking to get married or have a long term relationship should date a lot of women at the same time in order to improve his skills, his confidence, and to be able to pick the best one from many.
Up until then been very resistant of the idea. I felt it just “wasn’t me”. But after Winnie, I started dating 4 at a time. Some of the women were very smart. One taught English at a major university in Beijing to PHD candidates. Another was a computer programmer who worked for NYC. Yet another had been a doctor in China and was working in a doctors’ office here as a medical assistant.
I had some crazy adventures too along the way!
After about 2 years of dating, I met the best girl of all, and we got married about six months later.
Obviously, I’m not dating any more, but I have recently started coaching, concentrating on coaching men and women in online dating.